Jealousy – is it really the Green Eyed Monster

For many people jealousy is the green eyed monster to be avoided at any cost.  But in many cultures and traditions jealousy is viewed positively as a protective shield particularly around relationships.  So how do you tell you tell the difference?  Protective jealousy recognises that relationships have vulnerabilities – a staff christmas party puts a group of people who work closely together in an environment both intimate and unfamiliar leading to new negotiation of boundaries, alcohol tends to lead to more blurry boundaries – so recognising situations like this is a risk factor.  Jealousy is a natural emotional response signalling our desire to protect something that is precious to us – when it leads us to dialogue and reaffirmation of our commitment and some concrete plans that prioritise the relationship – like bringing your partner along, checking in during the night etc it can remind us that we do not own our partner that their presence in our life is a precious gift of grace.  When it leads us to manipulate, shame and guilt our partner in a vain attempt to control them jealousy becomes something corrosive that often leads to exactly the outcome we fear.
If jealousy is seen and communicated as a signal that the relationship is important and a bid for connection and heard as vulnerability inviting reassurance and declarations of love and care a little jealousy could make your relationship stronger and if these habits are continued jealousy will become a much softer less frequent visitor.
For more on this check out Steven speaking on Breakfast T.V. – Steven on Breakfast

Intensives and Marathon Therapy

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