Steven Dromgool

Our deepest need is to know we are not alone in the universe.  To be alone breaks our heart – and violates our humanity.  

Marriage Counselling and Relationship Therapy Expert Available Online

Steven Dromgool is New Zealand’s most trained couples counsellor. Trained in 6 different specialist relationship approaches he founded the Relate Counselling team and developed the PORT Presence Oriented Relationship Therapy approach to working with couples. Steven trains therapists in New Zealand and internationally. Steven works internationally and is available for online consultations.

Steven is passionate about relationships, seeing them as the key to a good life, a healthy society and the most enduring part of our legacy. He also knows from personal experience that relationships can be challenging and confusing and that we were never expected to have to navigate them alone.

It is his mission to make the core information about successful relationships available to all New Zealanders and to promote the experience of vibrant, loving and passionate connection as a core part of the Kiwi culture.  To that end he is a regular guest on TV and Radio – you can listen in to him Jack Tame on Newstalk ZB on Saturday mornings

If you want to connect with someone you love – book an appointment with Steven today.

If you are facing challenges  in your relationship whether it’s communication/connection problems, sex and intimacy issues or more catastrophic issues like affairs or violence and you need expert help to rescue your relationship or marriage then book an appointment online with Steven or call us on 020 4 RELATE (735283) today.


Couples Counselling


At the centre of couples therapy is connection. Connected couples can work through life’s challenges and grow closer through the experience.

Communication Coaching


It’s not if we are talking that matters – it’s how we are talking. Most of us communicate using less than half of our total brain. Under stress this tendency increases. Steven can teach you to communicate using the whole brain. It’s calming, connecting and enjoyable – and surprisingly simple. Communication coaching is a blast and believe it or not you will learn to get excited when your partner says, “Honey we need to talk.”

Break-Up Recovery


Breaking up can be incredibly traumatic.

The youngest part of your brain does not differentiate between physical and psychological loss and it tends to view the break-up as the end of the world (literally).

Steven can help you process and take care of yourself so you heal faster and learn valuable life lessons in the process to avoid these challenges in the future.


Steven offers Zoom counselling for singles and couples. Online counselling not only protects during Covid but provides opportunities to access support including when one partner is away.

Pre Marriage or New Relationship Preparation


Starting a new relationship can be very exciting and very challenging. New relationship or pre-marriage preparation is an opportunity to set yourself and your relationship up for success.

Did you know that there are a series of behaviours that predict relationship success, failure or happiness that can be picked up by a trained specialist?

Learn how to build the behaviours of success into your relationship and how to deescalate and eliminate the negative behaviours.

Parenting through Separation


Caring for your kids through a separation process is often one of the hardest challenges for couples. While adults can choose a separation, this is not an option for children. During this time their needs for support can escalate rapidly at the very point that parents are struggling the most. Many of the challenges you are facing are predictable, working with Steven means that you do not have to continually reinvent the wheel at your children’s expense. In this work Steven takes the role of advocate for your children and will help you develop personalized plans that will help reduce massively the impact this has on them and preserve their emotional connections.

Intensives and Marathon Therapy

30 Day Intensive Programme

Radical change often requires radical commitment.  Unfortunately couples often view therapy as the last resort which means they often when a burnt out partner announces they are leaving or there has been an affair.  In this case an hour a week is simply not enough time to implement the changes required fast enough to save the relationship.

The 30 day intensive programme is designed to help you create a base to begin to rapidly reconnect, repair and strengthen your relationship.

Our goal is to systematically and rapidly advance the healing process by applying the following 5 research-based ideas:


  1. Massing therapy at the beginning of the process shortens therapy overall – the ‘stitch in time’ principle (John Gottman)

  2. Body based interventions rapidly shift traumatic and ‘stuck’ responses (Peter Levin/ Gabor Mate)

  3. Therapeutic ‘windows’ vary.  Adjusting session length to the clients rather than the clock produces better outcomes (Stan Tatkin).

  4. Directed Journaling reduces trauma and increases psychological integration (James Pennebaker) 

  5. Repeated Titrated Exposure reduces trauma, increases tolerance and capacity (B F Skinner)

As in intensive couple you would be one of just three couples I am working with in this way. Intensives include

  • Couples sessions
  • Individual coaching
  • Prioritised access to Steven
  • Curated Video content
  • Access to Relate Specialist Clinicians
  • Daily implementation exercises

  • An online library of resources

If you are both motivated and available to do the work intensives  may be the answer you are looking for – register for an assessment to see if this is right for you.




The Harvard Study, that has been running over 70 years, along with others showed a clear link between happy relationships and longevity.


John Gottman’s research showed that you could predict (and reduce) the number of infectious illnesses participants would suffer by supporting couples to reduce contempt in their relationship.


Relationship conflict has been shown to both cause and exacerbate mental health issues and stable loving relationships have been shown to massively improve mental health conditions – particularly depression and anxiety.


Cuddles produce hormones that make your hair shine and your skin glow. Stress hormones makes you store fat and your skin break out.


Happy couples plan for the future together, don’t lose half their wealth divorcing and don’t have to use drugs, alcohol and shopping to escape their misery.


New Research has shown that conjoint couples therapy with addiction counselling makes both processes more effective and lasting.


Happy married couples generally have more sex (way more sex) than unhappy couples or singles. Additionally they are often sexually active well into their 60’s, 70’s and 80’s.


Let’s face it our kids need us, kids from happy 2 parent homes do better on literally every social index of wellbeing.


And the benefits keep on going. Our kids learn about relationships from us and choose partners who are relationally similar. Our grandkids grow up in that relational space.

Steven’s counselling services in australia

Click this link to see the counselling services we refer to in Sydney, Australia.

Make your relationship awesome

If you long for a deeper, intimate and more playful connection take the step today.  Couples work is rich, challenging and incredibly rewarding – take the plunge . . .